“My mother does not like me because my younger siblings are richer than I am and give her more money.”
These were the painful words of Mary, a young woman I met on a BRT bus travelling from Ajah Main Terminal to Ikeja, Lagos. As she spoke through tears, she shared her experience of rejection and what she believed was parental favouritism.
Mary explained that her mother appeared to give greater recognition to her younger siblings because they worked for better-paying companies and contributed more money to her upkeep. According to her, whenever important family matters arose, her mother consulted her younger siblings while leaving her out of the discussions.
One incident that particularly hurt her involved preparations for her father’s 98th birthday celebration. Mary said her mother informed her only after the arrangements had been concluded. Her father reportedly expressed displeasure, insisting that the firstborn deserved consideration regardless of financial circumstances.
Mary also alleged that her mother pressured her to marry a much older, wealthy man. She rejected the proposal because she did not want to marry solely for financial reasons and believed her decision had further strained their relationship.
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During our conversation, I encouraged Mary to consider other possible explanations for her mother’s behaviour. I reminded her that parental love should not depend on how much money a child can provide. However, she remained convinced that her financial position had diminished her standing in her mother’s eyes.
Although I could not independently verify every detail of her account, her story raises an important question: Should a child’s financial success determine the love, respect and consideration they receive from their parents?
Certainly not.
Children have different abilities, opportunities and financial circumstances. One may achieve success early in life, while another may struggle despite working hard. Neither circumstance should determine a child’s worth within the family.
Financial contributions are important, particularly when parents need support. However, appreciation for financial assistance should not become preferential treatment. When money determines who receives attention, influence or recognition, family relationships risk becoming transactional.
Such dynamics can breed resentment among siblings and weaken family bonds. Children who should support one another may instead compete for parental approval, measuring their worth against their earnings and contributions.
Being the firstborn does not make a child inherently more valuable than their siblings. Equally, being less wealthy does not make that child less deserving of dignity or inclusion. Every child deserves fairness, regardless of birth order or financial status.
Parents must also recognise that a child’s contribution extends beyond money. Emotional support, companionship, practical assistance and genuine concern are equally meaningful expressions of love. A child who cannot provide substantial financial assistance may still offer invaluable care and commitment.
Mary’s account also highlights the importance of listening when children express feelings of rejection. A parent may not intend to show favouritism, but repeated exclusions can leave a child feeling unwanted. Honest communication can help address misunderstandings and create opportunities for reconciliation.
The reported pressure on Mary to marry a wealthy, older man raises another concern. Marriage should be based on mutual respect, compatibility and personal choice, not financial expectations imposed by family members. Parents can offer guidance, but such guidance should not become emotional pressure.
As our journey continued, Mary eventually said she would try to reconsider her feelings about her mother. Yet she ended with the same painful conviction: “I will try, but I know she doesn’t like me because my younger siblings are richer than I am.”
Her words have remained with me. They remind us that a person can feel rejected not because they lack love to give, but because they believe they have too little money to offer.
We must acknowledge that family conflicts are often complex, and one person’s account may not tell the entire story. Nevertheless, experiences like Mary’s should encourage parents to reflect on how their words, decisions and actions affect their children.
My message to parents is simple: appreciate children who support you financially, but do not diminish those who cannot give as much. Wealth can change, and a child’s present financial circumstances do not define their future.
When parents are gone, their children will remember not only what they inherited, but also how they were treated. They will remember whether they were heard, included and valued.
A united family is a greater legacy than material wealth. Let us build homes where no child has to buy respect or compete for affection because of financial circumstances.
A child’s worth is not measured by their salary, bank balance or financial contributions. A parent’s love should never have a price tag.
